Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
