where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize