I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
