i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
It's just like the Real World with babies
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
