Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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