You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
