Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
