just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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