im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
