the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
