I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
