i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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