I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
