You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
