And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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