well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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