Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
All I want is dick and wine.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
