What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
