Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
