This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
