Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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