she was so not down for the gang bang
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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