I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
