Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
