Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
