It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
