Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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