Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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