do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize