Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
