I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Is it because I queefed?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
