Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
