I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
