NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
