You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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