I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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