She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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