I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Also, beer. Big fan.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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