i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize