omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
