I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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