My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
