He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
