it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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