mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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