Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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