why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
