im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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