Your dad touched me again.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
