Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
