I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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