thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
