I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
