Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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