Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
