I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
