My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
