youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize