She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
