Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
