He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
