Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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