I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
