i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize