its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
