Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
