Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
