One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
