When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
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